Conversation/music March 19, 2009

I’ve been trying to pin point what makes a good conversation vs. a bad one. I know i’m not the leading person on starting a conversation, I am pretty shy in general. I think that part of my not starting conversations as often is that I would rather have a good conversation with someone rather than just talk to talk…unfortunately, once I get to know someone a little bit more I talk a bit too much, and I say some pretty silly things sometimes.

I think a good conversation with someone you don’t know that well still has some level of depth to it but can also just graze the surface. I’ve noticed an element of a good conversation is some sort of feeling. That feeling could even be a lightheartedness about a subject that leads to laughter. A good conversation is one where you can walk away feeling you have learned a bit about a persons story and perhaps a really good conversation is one where you can resonate with that persons story on some level.
So I am fairly able to know what I consider a good conversation and can walk away from conversations thinking that. However, the shallow conversations I have heard or been a part of, I can’t quite give them specific characteristics to fully explain why they were shallow conversations. Perhaps it is me and I found the person uninteresting or perhaps the person was unable to communicate their story well to me.

I could say what a good conversation on music is to me, given that I really like music. I could tell you the elements of that conversation would be that someone was talking about music that they resonate with on some level, even if it is just that the song makes them happy. I have heard shallow conversations about music, among other things, but for the sake of an example we will go with music. I just can’t pin point what made it a bad conversation.

A conversation about what is on a persons Ipod could be a bad conversation depending on the goal of saying what is on ones ipod. For example, “Omg, I can’t believe this is on your ipod” is probably the start of a bad conversation . If you are discussing musical taste and perhaps introducing someone to new music or music that means something to you then that could be a good conversation.

I do believe that music has the ability to resonate with me on a level where there are certain songs that can help share my story or how I feel at certain times. Music is my escape. So music was probably a bad example for good vs. bad conversation, since i’m probably pretty picky about the subject. This was probably a horribly incoherent post.

Does anyone have any thoughts on what makes a good or bad conversation? What are the elements of each?

“If I wander until I die may I know whose hand I’m in.” March 17, 2009

I have been having a really hard time with the fact that I can’t get in state tuition. It is also just hitting me that I am poor. I have lost sight of all the reasons and convictions I had for moving into the house I live in and only working part time. Which is a terrible place to be in because now all I can think of is how stinkin’ poor I am and how am I going to pay for school. I really want to go. I don’t want to teach…lots of people keep telling me, well you could get a public school teaching  job. Well I could, but I don’t like the system. I’d rather work outside the system and change it by being aware of what is going on in the districts and being an advocate for children and education. I would rather change children’s lives by helping them meet their basic needs so that they can be successful in school. I have seen too many kids with too much baggage that gets ignored so they can pass a standardized test. Children are not standardized everyone is individual, you can’t teach to a test and expect a child to be excited about learning. So I really want to go back to school so that I can help in that capacity.

My new life plan is to  move to England on a British Pass Port and work for a few months so I don’t feel like I wasted a year of adventuring or perusing some way to better myself by having an interesting life experience.  Not that I couldn’t do that working and living here. I really do like it here. I love my friends and my job and I am sure having work two jobs would build some sort of character. Everything just seems very uncertain right now, and this time there are no exciting options or options that seem concrete. Last time life was so uncertain I could choose anything and not go wrong, I don’t have that this time.

I have passed up the time and opportunity to live in England once before and if there is one thing I regret in life it is passing that opportunity up. If I lived there I could still be paying Va. state taxes and I could just treat England as holiday of sorts. Except that I would be working. The only problem I can see is I would want to go on my British citizenship which may screw with tuition again. Unless I still write down that my permanent address is here, which it will be. I don’t know, there has to be some loop hole, preferably a legal one.

On the verge of regret… March 12, 2009

Our house caught on fire yesterday. We didn’t have to call the fire department and nobody was hurt, but I now question the stability of the back porch beam holding up the roof. I hope the house doesn’t cave in, that would suck.
This adds to the list of drama since moving here. The house has been broken into, my bike was stolen. The house car was stolen, and now the house being on fire adds to the crazy list…all this happened in a mere 7 months.
On a completely different note, I am on a quest for in- state tuition for Graduate school. I am not sure I will find out before my April 1st deadline of letting the school know if I accept the acceptance. I may have to defer until 2010. I just want to get this show on the road!
I am going to look for a second part time job. I really like my job at the NRC so I am not going to quit to get a full time job. Working at a coffee shop could be nice. We shall see. I don’t want to work 2 part time jobs for a whole year though. Hmm…what to do? A few friends have offered to adopt me so I can get in-state tuition. It may boil down to a brawl in the middle of the street involving cats as weapons to see who gets to adopt me. I just want to be able to afford school, and life really. Living simply is not so simple.

Snow! March 2, 2009

I am almost all moved into the yellow room. I got impatient and moved some of my things in regardless of not having all the curtains up and not having the corner pieces on the window trim. It will get done. I think Jackson (the cat) is annoyed or confused by my moving into what he probably believes is his room. He likes to sit in the window. Since I have been in here he has come and sniffed every corner of everything. He has even jumped on my dresser to sniff.
It was a snow day today! And I believe I have one tomorrow as well Daniel and Alicia and I walked to Buzzy’s. It was nice to walk in the snow. Then I spent a good bit of my day moving things and listening to music which was some much needed relaxation. I am headed back over to Dan and Alicia’s in a bit for some grilled cheese and champagne
I went to the Hope in the Cities, Connecting Communities Trust building training this weekend and will go back next weekend. It was nice to be away from the house for a weekend, even though I didn’t want to go. Talking in front of a bunch of people and meeting a lot of people I don’t know all at one time is way out of my comfort zone. I actually really enjoyed it though. I met a lot of really interesting people. Of course I was the youngest there, but I like learning from people who have experienced more life than I have so I am ok with being the youngest. The lady I am sharing a room with told me that I am a very centered and peaceful person. That was nice of her, I don’t feel like that though. I suppose I am glad that I seem that way though. I hope it helps other people feel calm and comfortable around me.

Common Root February 23, 2009

Matthew, Daniel and David have all put up blogs about our weekend at the Common Root Conference, so I suppose it is my turn. First of all I must say that we were very blessed to have a house to stay in with such great hostesses. The community we stayed in was very welcoming and I enjoyed seeing a different way of living in community. It was interesting to be in Minnesota because that is one of the places I could have been had I chosen to go to the Lutheran Volunteer Corp. I was actually nervous that I may slightly regret not goingto LVC. Minneapolis was a nice city, but I have no regrets. I am actually more thankful for the journey I am on than I was before, even though I was thankful before.
The conference was more encouraging to me than anything. It was nice to see that so many people were having conversations about what it looks like to be in community and live out the Kingdom here on earth. The weekend started with Tom and Christine Sine speaking, they live in a community called The Mustard Seed. They spoke about their community and their reasoning for living in community. I enjoyed the last two speakers Carol Rose who is part of the Christian Peace Makers and Jin Kim who is pastor of a local church in Minnesota called Church of the Nations. Carol Rose I enjoyed because of the stories she told about the work she has done and that the Christian Peace Maker teams do, ive actually briefly thought about becoming a relief worker some day in life…I probably won’t, but it was a thought I had once. I am actually not sure I could handle it, I too easily put myself in others positions.  Jin Kim spoke about his church and how multi-cultural it is and how it got to be so multi-cultural. The thing that stood out to me most in all the things he said was he said “God doesn’t need me to do a Damn thing,” which thinking that made me feel a lot lighter. I suppose I always know this but I forget sometimes. I get caught up in trying to do “good” and overwhelm myself most days but really if I didn’t do something, if it was important, God would have someone else step in and if I am meant to do it God will have me do it, but ultimately God doesn’t need me to do a damn thing! So I am very thankful to be at Gabriel House, even though if I am honest some days are very difficult and draining. I still love it here and I love my Gabriel House family

I am a dreamer February 10, 2009

So I have reconnected to my wandering dreamer mind. I think it went dormant during the winter. There is new excitement with spring coming and the prospects of a garden, and also the prospect of school in the fall. I have been hanging out with more people which is nice. I had coffee with Lynne this morning to talk about gardening. I am also feeling more settled, especially knowing that I am going back to school. I really like what is going on around Richmond.
With that said, I am still dreaming up things I would like to do in life. I would like to live in England for a summer and work in a pub, I would love to live in Colorado near the mountains and learn to snowboard, I want to be more sustainable in life, I want to learn how to knit, I want to bike more places, and picking up the guitar again would be nice I enjoyed taking lessons last winter much more than my previous experience. There is so much to do and experience!

These are my random thoughts for the day brought to you by lack of food, too much coffee and very nice weather.

“Blue skies smiling at me, nothing but blue skies do I see” February 9, 2009

The yellow room is finally finished and livable. All we need are curtains and I can move in So this weekend was a celebration of the room being finished, but not only that, I was accepted into VCU’s Masters of Social Work program! It looks like I will be in Richmond for at least another 2 years. I called a bunch of people to let them know that I got in, and I realized this evening that I forgot to call my sister There was a lot going on this weekend though.

Friday everyone in the house went to a play called “Uncle Tom De constructed” that was performed by the Conciliation Project it was very well done. There was discussion after the play which was ok. I am glad that we spend a lot of time in reconciliation type discussions at the house. After the play we all went to Karaoke  which was interesting.  Matthew sang Jesus  Walks,  Sarah sang  Natural Woman and Lonnie sang a few  jazz numbers. I didn’t sing.  Then Saturday was a work day finishing up the yellow room, I got to use a miter saw!  Saturday night we went Salsa dancing which was also fun. I love the culture around Salsa dancing because its all about the dancing and feeling the music and having fun. I went to lunch at The Black Sheep today with Alicia which was a treat and the this evening as a house we watched Across the Universe which we projected on to the newly painted walls in the finished room Which we realize no one but us were as into the idea because we never really watch TV so to be watching a movie and have it be projected was quite the treat.

I loved the weather today. I like being out in my neighborhood when the weather is nice because everyone is out. I like just sitting on the porch and talking to people as they pass by. One man passed by with his daughters and was asking if the house was a rooming house and I said no but explained that a bunch of people live here and we do community dinners twice a week and that he and his daughters should stop on by. So we may have a few more for dinner this week to add to the average of about 15-20 we have already. Oh and Friday Lonnie invited everyone at the play and in the cast to dinner. I am almost completely over my cold now though so hopefully I can handle the onslaught of people.

Is it Spring yet? February 3, 2009

So a few things have happened in the past few weeks. The jeep was stolen, then found. All of this happened during community dinner in which there were 9 children and 11 adults. It was a lot of excitement for one evening. You can read all about it on the Gabriel House blog.

I have been sick all week with a horrible cold. I am terrible at being sick. When I am sick I do all the stuff I do when I am well, which probably means I stay sick longer. Friday I went into work earlier to relieve someone who was sick but felt they couldn’t make it through the day. Then I went out every night this weekend, bad idea, but I had a good weekend. Sunday I wasn’t going to church so I could rest some, but I ended up doing some work in the yellow room. Not as much as Matthew and Sarah did, they put the final coat of paint on the walls and I put the final coat of paint on the fire place. Needless to say, I didn’t really rest, but the yellow room is very close to being finished. I will get to move in this weekend! I have been dreaming all winter about the insulated walls in that room.

In other news, I decided to go to the Common Root Conference in Minnesota. I made the mistake of booking a flight before I asked off work because the ticket prices were going up and I wanted to get on the same flight as David and Matthew. I think Daniel got a cheaper flight but he is on a different plane. Luckily I was able to get off work so I am free to freeze my hind parts off in Minnesota. I am looking forward to it. I am hoping it will give me new inspiration and energy for the house. I feel a bit of energy coming back when I think of having a garden, even though that is also overwhelming because I have no clue what I am doing. Thankfully we all work together on the garden and I have some garden gurus I can consult. I may also participate in Hope in the Cities training program called
Connecting Communities. The training this time has an educator theme. The people participating are involved in some aspect of education whether it be the PTA, teacher, or administrator. I am a little apprehensive about it because of cost. I would only be able to participate if I get a scholarship and even then I have to pay a decent chunk of money, at least it is a decent chunk for me. I am sure it will all work out though.

JESUS! January 12, 2009

Last Wednesday it was my turn to cook for community dinner so I didn’t make it to Wednesday night service at Church. However, Sarah and her friend took the kids and this was the story we heard at dinner when they got back.
On the way to Church Kyvaughn said to Sarah’s friend, Judy, “Church is where Jesus hears you.” Which is an interesting thing for a 3 year old to say. I should preface the next part of the story by explaining that anytime one of us comes home and the kids are at the house we are warmly greeted by a volumes cheer of our name. So it is only fitting that when you are entering God’s house he get the same greeting right? I suppose in Kyvaughn’s mind that is only appropriate, so when they walked into the Church Kyvaughn gave a greeting to Jesus in the way that he knew how by screaming at the top of his lungs “JESUS!” Sarah said when the adults walked upstairs for the service the other members who were already there said they figured Gabrielle House had arrived.

Jump around, jump up, jump up and get down… January 9, 2009

So I discovered this website http://www.jumpbecause.com/ and I think it is an excellent idea for a website. I found it because my wonderful friend Alica introduced me to “Skirt” magazine and this website was highlighted in the magazine. It just so happens that I have a jumping picture that I would post here and write an “I jump because…” statement, however, I don’t want to take away from someones great idea. So I am considering sending in this jumping picture with permission from the other jumpers in the picture.

My random thought for the day was, I think 24 is going to be a good age/year for me. I am not entirely sure why. By 24 I hope that I will be settled in the fact that I don’t know as much as I thought I did, and not be wishing I didn’t realize I don’t know as much as I thought I did, because I would still have this wonderful illusion of thinking I have life figured out. By 24 perhaps I will have a Masters degree and be happy in a career or happy doing whatever I am doing. At 24 perhaps I will meet a dashing man who sweeps me off my feet and doesn’t care that I use the word dashing. Maybe I will own less junk and be better able to get rid of things I don’t need. I could be accomplished at knitting and other crafting trades. I will be able to say no to things I don’t really want to do and not feel terrible about it. I will still be friends with the good friends I have now and be closer to my sister. I won’t be so young that I am not taken seriously, but I won’t be so old that I can’t still get away with doing somewhat crazy things. I say somewhat because I don’t do too many crazy things now…unless moving into a Catholic Worker house and only working part time your first year out of college is crazy, then I am totally crazy. Yes, I think 24 will be a good year. I also think 22 will be a good year, but I still like dreaming about the future.

Oh on another completely random note…Happy New Year! This is a picture from last years new year, but I think it is a great photo…